Psychic Sterling Sinclair
Through the Eyes of a Shut-In
Where did you go?
September 4, 2014
In the woods, I have been a shut-in since 2007. My first blackout came the day after I had hernia surgery almost 5 years before. At first, if I kept walking and being busy, I would just simply get loopy and lose some movement coordination for a few minutes. Then they got worse.
I owned a store. I had to close it because I was unable to look after it due to this condition. In the blacking out phases, I would put things places and not remember. I would go to pay bills and then not pay them but thought that I did. My employees discovered that it worsened when I would put stock on the top shelves at my store.
What was happening? The story to recovery is a long one and I still suffer from them to some degree. They progressed into stopping breathing, pulse stopping, losing nerve sensations, and seizures. Nonetheless, I was unable to run my store and I was unable to hold down a job.
I tried to sell my property and the market crashed in that year. So that meant, at 40 years old with three degrees, a lot of experience, children to raise and big debt, unable to drive, or eat or cook alone, my life as I knew it had ended. My primary care physician said simply, “these are the cards you’ve been dealt, you will learn to live with it.” I still receive no medical treatment.
Before I became a shut-in, I lived with vitality and really enjoyed visiting with people. Being around people and helping them and having fun were really important to me. Actually, I never imagined living a life where that would never be the case – until it was.
I was raised to believe that my family was everything. As I grew up, I had very few friends outside of my family. When I fell ill, first from my car accident head injury and then the blackout/seizures, my family no longer came to visit. Other than 2 family picnics that I threw at my place, I have spoken on the phone to my parents about 8 times and they have come to see me about 3 times each in 7 years. My sister came two of three times and my brother has been unable to see me. I have not had one friend who I had before 7 years ago (outside of business) come to see me in 7 years.
As a shut-in, I not only became separated from the world I knew, I became ostracized by it. I have been blamed many times for being hurtful towards others because I have not gone out of my way to visit them. I have had people ask why I want nothing to do with them any more like I chose to live this way.
Isn’t it strange how a person falls ill or has a loved one die or suffers a major loss of income/career that people have a tendency to shun a person and then accuse the person for leaving them and becoming cold toward them?
When a human cannot deal with a reality of a loved one’s pain, a human will tend to turn away from the person. In so doing, their guilt rests so heavily upon their souls that they find a way to recover – humans tend to survive. Sometimes, blaming the injured/ill/grieving person is the easiest way to do it.
After several years of wondering where they went and what I did to deserve this treatment, I gave up wondering. I was suicidal; I had even written my last note. Imagine… I considered taking my own life so that my reminder of suffering would end. I am glad that I didn’t.
As a shut-in, I had a choice to ignore my situation or start living with my “disability.” I found care professionals and made new friends. I started my psychic business and people started coming to see me. Strange as it may seem, 7 years later, I visit with people so often that I am not alone and if family ever did want to come see me, they would now have to be put on a waiting list to get in.
When we face the decision to start again and we choose to do it – we simply start again.
We live a life in our new reality and we live happily in that reality. We become different. Our lives become different. Our priorities become different.
It may seem strange to many people, but the trees and fish and the forest animals became my everyday companions. I began looking at the world and communing with her. I became not a person of other people’s expectations but my own person.
A person’s life journey is a long one. As a medium, I often have passed people write through my hand as they talk to their loved ones. Their message is loud and clear, life after death is the life journey continued.
Shut-ins either give up or they learn to live a new and different life.
I referred to myself as a “shut-in” in this short reflection because categorically that is what I am. But, I do not feel that way anymore. I like my life the way it is and I have no aspiration at this time to change it. I have new friends who I consider family. I love my family as much as I did before they stopped seeing me. That has not changed in my heart.
The reason that I am writing this is for 2 reasons:
1/ I have kept this part of my life publically quiet in the fear that I might be rejected and I have come to a point in my life of honest portrayal of self and wanted to share this life experience/lesson with you.
2/ No matter your situation in life, it is your choice to view it in the way you choose to view it. This can be difficult to believe in some situations, but it is true. The extent of our joy and/or pain is a matter of our own perceptions.
If you are a shut-in or feel that way sometimes, please know that in some way, I understand. You are not alone.
When the time comes to feel at peace with your life and the way to want to live it, you will live a restful moment of love.
If you have found your life your way, please share the good news that we need not view our lives as being shut-in. We need not give up. We can view our lives as a new life paths to discover and as a life adventures to travel.
Thanks for listening.
We are not alone.
Never give up!
Keep moving forward.