Psychic Sterling Sinclair Sexual Assault Survivor Poem and Auracature “Still Here – Fighting to be Free.” When he comes in your room at night… November 25, 2014
Psychic Sterling Sinclair
Sexual Assault Survivor Poem and Auracature
“Still Here – Fighting to be Free.”
When he comes in your room at night…
November 25, 2014
I’m Still Here
I looked to the side
I stared at the wall
My lips bled from teeth bites
I never dared to call
I cleared the plate at supper
I feared the setting sun
Soon I’d try to sleep
I wished I wasn’t the one
I covered myself with blankets
I curled way down deep
But when I’d start to close my eyes
I felt him when he’d creep
I was not safe even in my own room
I wasn’t ever there alone
My siblings slept in beds beside me
I don’t know how I got his bone
I guess I was special
I guess from me their backs were turned
Silence screamed loudly as my springs did squeak
I wiped my eyes – Oh his love burned
I never saw him leave
I wouldn’t show my tears
Like a bad dream, the night ate up his shape
I wanted a drink from one of his beers
I coughed up in my mouth
I was sickened by his meat
His fingers would pierce me
I washed the blood from my sheet
I was alone at night
I was alone during the day
If anyone knew, not a mention was made
I wanted to go – Oh why did I stay?
I tried to tell Mom
I told my sister too
But the fingers pointed back at me
I guess I said something untrue
I learned to be quiet
I held these secrets inside
My pain was kept silent by the smiles that I’d wear
I tried to be proud – Where was my pride?
I wanted a good man
I looked for women, but nope
Where did my soul ever find to go?
I think maybe dangling at the end of a rope
I wanted to die
I wanted the sun to stay up
Was it the dishes I washed so well by the sink?
I took care each time I handled his cup
I live my life
I try to love and to live
No one ever showed me so do I know how?
I will find a way – I really want to give
If you see me with eyes all glaze over
If I’m not me sometimes some days
Please understand, I’m still here down inside
I’m dealing with life in my own silent ways
Please do not judge me
Please take time to see
He tried to trap all that I was
But I am still here – I fight to be free.
by Sterling Sinclair, 11/25/2014
Psychic Sterling Sinclair Poem – Child Abuse – Domestic Violence – When a Son Still Loves His Mom, Nov 20, 2014
Psychic Sterling Sinclair
Poem – Child Abuse – Domestic Violence
When a Son Still Loves His Mom
Nov 20, 2014
Mom and I Dance in the Rain
She sat on the step that day
She rocked me in her arms
My lips were all but silent
My eyes were screaming alarms
Here hands swung with a belt so wide
Here voice squealed of banshees
My back bruised and welted
My legs dropped like fancies
She looked as if she died that day
She wet my head with tears
I felt my mother’s worries
I breathed in all her fears
She could not stop once she’d begin
She love to hate the pain
I was her little special boy
I used to dance in the rain
Why Mom would you hurt me?
Why Mom would you start?
Many years of silence passed
I pushed Mom’s sorrow cart
She came by to see me one day
I stood outside my store
Upon the cold sidewalk
Where was my mom anymore?
She looked that day like no mom should look
She’d weathered every blow
I knew she felt what she gave me
I knew she had come to go
No words were really needed
No words could ever explain
She came to me to do one thing…
Mom and I danced in the rain.
Written by Sterling Sinclair (11/20/2014)
Psychic Sterling Sinclair Remembrance Day Tribute Auracature 2014 “O Canada” “Remember” November 11, 2014
Psychic Sterling Sinclair
Tribute Auracature 2014
November 11, 2014
Oracle Sterling: Psychic Sterling Sinclair Auracature Images of the Day, Amid the Sorrow – We Must stand Tall, October 7, 2014
Psychic Sterling Sinclair
Auracature Images of the Day,
Amid the Sorrow – We Must stand Tall,
October 7, 2014
We must never give up.
No matter the depth of our sadness, we must keep moving forward.
Our lives, are worth saving.
Life is worth celebration.
I send you my love,
Psychic Sterling Sinclair
Through the Eyes of a Shut-In
Where did you go?
September 4, 2014
In the woods, I have been a shut-in since 2007. My first blackout came the day after I had hernia surgery almost 5 years before. At first, if I kept walking and being busy, I would just simply get loopy and lose some movement coordination for a few minutes. Then they got worse.
I owned a store. I had to close it because I was unable to look after it due to this condition. In the blacking out phases, I would put things places and not remember. I would go to pay bills and then not pay them but thought that I did. My employees discovered that it worsened when I would put stock on the top shelves at my store.
What was happening? The story to recovery is a long one and I still suffer from them to some degree. They progressed into stopping breathing, pulse stopping, losing nerve sensations, and seizures. Nonetheless, I was unable to run my store and I was unable to hold down a job.
I tried to sell my property and the market crashed in that year. So that meant, at 40 years old with three degrees, a lot of experience, children to raise and big debt, unable to drive, or eat or cook alone, my life as I knew it had ended. My primary care physician said simply, “these are the cards you’ve been dealt, you will learn to live with it.” I still receive no medical treatment.
Before I became a shut-in, I lived with vitality and really enjoyed visiting with people. Being around people and helping them and having fun were really important to me. Actually, I never imagined living a life where that would never be the case – until it was.
I was raised to believe that my family was everything. As I grew up, I had very few friends outside of my family. When I fell ill, first from my car accident head injury and then the blackout/seizures, my family no longer came to visit. Other than 2 family picnics that I threw at my place, I have spoken on the phone to my parents about 8 times and they have come to see me about 3 times each in 7 years. My sister came two of three times and my brother has been unable to see me. I have not had one friend who I had before 7 years ago (outside of business) come to see me in 7 years.
As a shut-in, I not only became separated from the world I knew, I became ostracized by it. I have been blamed many times for being hurtful towards others because I have not gone out of my way to visit them. I have had people ask why I want nothing to do with them any more like I chose to live this way.
Isn’t it strange how a person falls ill or has a loved one die or suffers a major loss of income/career that people have a tendency to shun a person and then accuse the person for leaving them and becoming cold toward them?
When a human cannot deal with a reality of a loved one’s pain, a human will tend to turn away from the person. In so doing, their guilt rests so heavily upon their souls that they find a way to recover – humans tend to survive. Sometimes, blaming the injured/ill/grieving person is the easiest way to do it.
After several years of wondering where they went and what I did to deserve this treatment, I gave up wondering. I was suicidal; I had even written my last note. Imagine… I considered taking my own life so that my reminder of suffering would end. I am glad that I didn’t.
As a shut-in, I had a choice to ignore my situation or start living with my “disability.” I found care professionals and made new friends. I started my psychic business and people started coming to see me. Strange as it may seem, 7 years later, I visit with people so often that I am not alone and if family ever did want to come see me, they would now have to be put on a waiting list to get in.
When we face the decision to start again and we choose to do it – we simply start again.
We live a life in our new reality and we live happily in that reality. We become different. Our lives become different. Our priorities become different.
It may seem strange to many people, but the trees and fish and the forest animals became my everyday companions. I began looking at the world and communing with her. I became not a person of other people’s expectations but my own person.
A person’s life journey is a long one. As a medium, I often have passed people write through my hand as they talk to their loved ones. Their message is loud and clear, life after death is the life journey continued.
Shut-ins either give up or they learn to live a new and different life.
I referred to myself as a “shut-in” in this short reflection because categorically that is what I am. But, I do not feel that way anymore. I like my life the way it is and I have no aspiration at this time to change it. I have new friends who I consider family. I love my family as much as I did before they stopped seeing me. That has not changed in my heart.
The reason that I am writing this is for 2 reasons:
1/ I have kept this part of my life publically quiet in the fear that I might be rejected and I have come to a point in my life of honest portrayal of self and wanted to share this life experience/lesson with you.
2/ No matter your situation in life, it is your choice to view it in the way you choose to view it. This can be difficult to believe in some situations, but it is true. The extent of our joy and/or pain is a matter of our own perceptions.
If you are a shut-in or feel that way sometimes, please know that in some way, I understand. You are not alone.
When the time comes to feel at peace with your life and the way to want to live it, you will live a restful moment of love.
If you have found your life your way, please share the good news that we need not view our lives as being shut-in. We need not give up. We can view our lives as a new life paths to discover and as a life adventures to travel.
Thanks for listening.
We are not alone.
Never give up!
Keep moving forward.
Psychic Sterling Sinclair: Personally I’m a Person Takes Personal Things Personal, September 2, 2014
Psychic Sterling Sinclair:
Personally I’m a Person Takes Personal Things Personal,
September 2, 2014
You can choose to psychologize your life or choose to change it.
Caution: if you honestly choose to change your life – you will change your life.
If we exist within one common, shared consciousness, we share a personal existence.
If we live an energetic interconnectivity, we live a mutual personal experience.
If these two things are true then “Don’t take anything Personally” is an impossible instruction –
a fantasy to relieve a human from personal hurt cast upon them by another person’s perception.
We do not live in isolation or as an inert object such as a discarded chunk of concrete well casing.
We are communal creatures sharing a communal existence.
They may possibly exist (you may even be one), but I have never met a person in my practice or in my social/family life who lets everything seemingly run off their backs like water off a duck unless they are cold, hard, self-centered people.
By not taking it personally, you also refuse to assess what it is that you are, carry, represent, or think that draws actions/comments/beliefs to come in your direction. You take no ownership of the passing of that love or hate or whatever found in between.
Laws of attraction and arguments of like forces seeking each other out and repelling each other become mute points if you can simply place yourself on an emotionally void island upon the pages of a fiction novel.
As long as we live, we commune.
As long as we die, we commune.
As long as we are persons, we are personal and will take things personally because that is simply the way it is.
To run from this acceptance is to run from self.
So what are you to do then?
Someone is mean to you and so you are to blame for that?
If someone is mean to you, there is something about you that is attracting that meanness.
It may be nothing that you are aware of.
You may have inherited it.
You may have picked it up along the way from another person.
Nonetheless, if you were not you then it would not have happened the way it did, if at all.
So if someone calls you “stupid” does that mean that you are? It may. However, what it reveals is a component of your being that either/both inspired, extracted and/or provided an avenue for the statement to come in your direction. If deep down you kind of wonder if you are stupid then you will likely be called stupid. If you mess up something and still did a better job than the person yelling at you it is likely because the person depended on you and “you are stupid” is a reflection of himself/herself coupled with his/her disappointment with your performance (he/she thought you could do something you could not). No matter the situation, you were called stupid because you in some way brought it on. Maybe you simply allowed the statement to be made and didn’t even know it.
What I help my clients do is understand the ripple effect they create and then help them change the ripples.
When someone throws a rock in your pond and your shore is altered by the waves they created, remember that it is your pond and you can reverse the waves or swallow up the rocks they toss and then stack them nicely upon the shore. You can alter the waves. But only after you realize that your pond has stray rocks laying around waiting to be thrown at you can that be done.
By taking it personally, you can choose how to behave.
A punching bag is not what my clients want to become.
They want to stop the punches.
They may even want to punch back.
But only with personal responsibility is that possible.
Choose to feel good by becoming Teflon or choose to feel good by affectively changing how people treat you are two different things.
To gain power and stand tall.
To understand the depths of oneself and abilities to alter ones world including nasty comments sent in your direction is how one empowers their sense of what they view is personal.
Instead of getting hurt by others, one eventually becomes stronger, more aware and more authentic. One does not have to avoid the sense of something being personal, one simply changes the pathway.
Sounds easy? Well it is relatively easy. But it requires you to look into your truth and the possible triggers and welcoming devices that you have.
Once identified, you can try to rid yourself of them or do one of 2 really magical things – use them as part of your personal identity and embrace you as you are OR choose to change them.
It really is like changing a piece of lint into a Corvette. You can change it.
Once the path is altered, so to do the projected comments and behaviors toward you.
But what about in times of war? The same principle happens. However, the energy and hate has become so overwhelming that it is nearly impossible without many people altering it, hence the reason for the prevention of war rather than ending one.
Remember, no matter what you change in yourself changes everything else.
Everything is personal.
You choose to change the path, the path not only changes direction but also changes in its quality. By taking it personally and changing it, you change the person who delivered it in the first place.
We live in community as one body.
You hurt me – I hurt you – you hurt you – I hurt me.
You love me – I love you – you love you – I love me.
We can choose to live as we live.
We are personal people and we take things personally.
We are communal people and we live in communion.
There is the secret.
Our symbiotic nature has interwoven a carpet of life within which we all live.
Today, you choose what to do with how you live.
By doing so, you will affect the way I live.
Today, I choose what to do with how I live.
By doing so, I will affect the way you live.
We live together.
Please take this statement personally,
I love you.
May we together be love.