Do Taboo Deaths Require Silent Grief? Sterling Sinclair Posts about his Nephew’s Death by Suicide Twice on Facebook and Receives One Condolence Comment. Is such a Response Expected? If so, why? October 24, 2017
To be fair, my post was a comment with a link to the following post regarding both mention of my nephew’s death and the topic of suicide. It wasn’t a “I’m feeling down today because I miss him” post, which would have invited a supportive response. I wrote the post in such a way because I felt that maybe he may be able to save a life out there.
Link: to the Blog Post Regarding Suicide and the Death of Sterling’s Nephew
I have a Master of Divinity from Victoria University and the University of Toronto. I concentrated my studies and training on counselling – primarily grief/death & dying/infirm/hospice.
Taboo topics were seldom raised in the university classrooms but were common concerns during my training. The secret pain people carried became even more so prevalent as the people I visited grew older or faced their own approaching death.
One of the most powerful lessons that I learned was that as we face our own death, we begin to purge ourselves from our guilt, negative perceptions, awful memories, hate, and more than anything else – suppressed grief.
Before we die, we grieve.
As for accidental death, it is difficult to confirm this pre-death grieving process but if we take a moment and reel back the days before our loved one died by accident, we often recall him/her/they making grief and/or other purge related statements.
Sometimes, we recall the person’s behaviour changing in ways indicative of the purge.
We more often than not discount or let the statements and behaviours flow on by. We all do. If you did and missed the signs, you are not alone. With no context – without knowing that an accident is to happen – we simply miss the clues. We must not beat ourselves up if this happened to us.
When I began offering private spiritual sessions (once I hung up my collar) I was shocked to find the extent of secret pain people carried. I have sat with over 2000 people and well over 80% of them carried this grief. In the cases whereby discussion revolved around the topic, almost all of the people were uplifted after purging or revealing the pain that had been long hidden.
The most traumatizing pain appeared to be related to taboo causes of death. They were revealed in this decreasing magnitude of silence.
1/ terminating the life of one’s own child (death by accident, termination of pregnancy including miscarriage and abortion, and not noticing the signs that could have possibly stopped the death).
3/ overdose or laced drug
So it is no wonder that my posts regarding suicide and the anniversary of my nephew’s death were met with one condolence comment.
One may be surprised by this list but it appeared in this order over and over again. With that said, many women have argued that they have no grief due to abortion. I have been in enough sessions to witness this to be untrue with the majority of my clients who have terminated their pregnancies. It is for this reason that such death (again considered not death by some because they hold the opinion that an unborn child is not alive), is one that involved suppressed grief. I don’t want to side rail this post with the topic of abortion but I felt that I needed to address the controversy.
Nonetheless, we as a culture of selective public grieving pick and choose what is okay and not okay to grieve over. We have our limits to the type and amount of pain that we can handle. We don’t want to hurt other people’s feelings and we don’t want to publicly portray ourselves as monsters, weak, frail, neglectful, bad, people.
Many of us are unwilling to mention a topic of suicide and when we do, we wash ourselves clean of any guilt or wrongdoing by posting “get help” phone lines and sharing mental health posts. No matter how we paint the picture, if our loved one dies, we deal with it. No matter the level of pain and loss, we experience pain and loss.
The silence regarding these taboo deaths needs to stop. They need to be pulled out of our closets and thrown into the centre of the street. In so doing, we can more openly support each other. The silence and secrecy and suppression of our grief, feeds debilitating and self-deprecating thoughts. Our behaviours toward others, especially our loved ones is altered, and far too often altered negatively.
I knew a man who accidentally ran over his child at a construction site. He never remembered doing it. He never could find his way again. Everyone suffered. It was almost never spoken of as the years passed. He grieved alone at night, in the truck driving to work, and in prayer. He built a wall around himself and yet at nighttime when alone, he cried himself to sleep for many years.
I know a woman whose father shot off his head. She was a young woman with children and young siblings. She still cannot remove from her memory of cleaning up the remains of her parent. She wanted to do so quickly so that her family would not have to see it too. She changed that day, so too likely her siblings and extended family. She felt that she needed to be strong and silent. She turned to alcoholism and she took her grief-fed-pain and turned it into abusive anger. Only a few people knew of the extent of her pain. Now that she grows older, the nightmares are visiting and interrupting her sleep. She even sleeps in another room from her husband because she doesn’t want him to witness these unconscious expressions of her secrets.
We all deal with death in our own ways. Most of the time, we need to keep on getting on. We need to survive and we need to care for our surviving loved ones. We need to keep moving forward. Let’s face it, getting back to everyday, regular activities can be good medicine but not at the expense of our grief.
I am kind of hurt that only one friend gave their condolences on Facebook when I posted, but I understand any of the reasons why they may not have wanted to do so.
With that said, I think some friends expressed their condolences by “liking” the post. Also, I felt heard, however, because some friends shared the post. It was very brave of them to do so because if just mentioning grieving due to one of these taboo ways to die, then posting about it on social media is waaaaaaaay taboo.
The point that I wanted to make with this blog post is that whether a friend’s loved one died of a long life struggling with cancer or whether a friend’s loved one died due to suicide, the friend is still grieving over the death of their loved one.
If we are to remove the taboo label off of certain causes of death, we must as a society view death as death no matter how someone dies. In so doing, we may more openly support each other as we, in our own ways, grieve over the deaths of our loved ones.
Let go of the shackles of silence.
We can move beyond this,
October 25, 2017 | Categories: Sterling Writing, Sterling Writings, The Life of Sterling, Uncategorized | Tags: abortion, accident, addict, addiction, alcohol, alcoholic, alcoholism, dead, death, Die, dying, grief, Grieving, miscarriage, overdose, psychic sterling, Silence, Sinclair, Sterling, Sterling Sinclair, suicide, supress, taboo | 1 Comment
Before Committing Suicide Be Clear that You will be Dead – So Don’t Do It: Former Medium Sterling Sinclair Channels a Psychic Message, an Auracature image, and a Spirit Drumming and Chanting in Memory of his Nephew Zachary “Zach” Bridgewater October 24 2017
Before Committing Suicide Be Clear that You will be Dead: Former Medium Sterling Sinclair Channels a Psychic Message, an Auracature image, and a Spirit Drumming and Chanting in Memory of his Nephew Zachary “Zach” Bridgewater
October 24 2017
2 years ago today, my nephew Zach fell to the sways and distortions of suicide. I never really grasped the concept of suicide and I truly don’t think any one studying the living can ever really understand it. Over the years of offering mediumship sessions, I developed another view than the one as a person who studied it academically and as a person who had attempted in the past. Suicide is not just a perversion of thought, it is a psychic suggestion placed upon the spirit of the victim. The suggestion filters through the self until all things align, not just mentally. All facets believe the trickery of suicide. I think suicide, like “Evil,” deserves to be named as personified destruction, thus named “Suicide.” “Suicide’s” false promisses and forked toung manipulations can even spread to loved ones like a deceptive virus, contaminating the gameboard upon which nobody knows they stand. “Suicide” may also call itself “Sacrifice” if the rebranding is required. We need to view “Suicide” as a creature whose only function is to rip appart lives and feed off the pain. Ever notice how, loved ones can spiral into a sort of insanity or deep depression or even disassociation over the weeks, months, and years to follow rather than heal. “Suicide” amplifies the pain so that pain it can consume. “Suicide” never can eat enough. It must always have more. Survivors must at all costs, see “Suicide” as who it is – it is the Ultimate Destructive Trickery.
If you are considering Suicide to solve your problems or to free yourself from others or to even make a friend stronger or your family’s life better, please know that such reasoning, logic, and justification are all lies. Life does not get better. Life does not go on. Every single person, including your spirit and corpse will fall into an incermountable pain as death spreads and “Suicide” smiles. Find someone to talk to. Find some way to banish “Suicide” from your existence. “Suicide” is not the choice you really want to make.
Sadly, my nephew Zach, fell by the lurings and false promises of suicide.
Zach’s Obituary Posting
Friends and family are desvistated. Whatever promise “Suicide” made him, it was a lie.
In the following inspired message, Zach from beyond the grave calls out the lie and the mind altering nightmare of knowing what was about to happen.
Please, please, please, understand that life is worth living and you do not live life once you are dead. As a medium, that was the biggest awareness of the dead: dead means dead – dead does not mean keep living.
This is the Auracature Art drawing that I believe Zach wanted to pass on as a memory tattoo.
If I were to interpret the lines, it basically means that his spirit is accompanied by a sibling, parent, aunt or uncle, and that he has an angel pulling him out of his darkness while he is gaining a clearer understanding of what happened to him. In short, the lines suggest that Zach’s spirit is being prepared to fully cross over into Love’s Light or in faith related terms – into Heaven.
Message inspired by Zach
“Where they put me
I had no escape
I thought that I wouldn’t die
That I’d be better off
That I’d live forever
I never wanted to die
Here I am because of a lie
Nothing was done
From truth they’d run
How did I ever believe them?
Death is NOT fun
I found myself in trouble
So I wrapped myself in my bubble
I knew my life was done
Before the week begun
If I knew that I’d be dead
I’d have never put that gun to my head
You try not to point fingers
You cast blame at yourself
You watch the world turn
Looking for the lesson that you were to learn
The only thing you didn’t see
Was how trusting naivety can be
I wave from here
I try to be near
But my end was my end to you my family and friends
Today is worse than last year
I think it’s sinking in
That this is not some awful dream
I am never coming home again
No matter the amount of trying
To understand that last day
The only thing I know for sure
Is that I lost my way
I am not asking for forgiveness
I don’t think it can be forgiven
But try to give yourselves a break
I’m the one who fell asleep
I’m the one who did not wake
I wonder what this year will be like
Time is strange here on this side
Sorry for not being there
To spend it with you.”
Here is a Spirit Drumming and Chanting that I did for Zach and other loved ones who have fallen to the prey of suicide:
In Memory of Zachary “Zach” Bridgewater, His Uncle Rich, Strangely Sterling Sinclair Spirit Drums. I seldom drum or chant this this odd. The oddness of it is very reflective of such which is played by the dead through mediumship and channeling. I thought that it would be something pretty and peaceful, instead, it depicts the process of shedding pain. I posted this once already and then I took it down. Then this morning on the 2nd anniversary of Zach’s death by suicide, I received a written message and image that justifies this song.
My sincerest condolences.
If you are alive and reading this, please stay alive. Never give up living. You are meant to stay alive until old age opens the doors for your passage onward.
Much love and Many Blessings, S
October 24, 2017 | Categories: Auracature of the Day, Could this Auracature be for Me?, Sterling Writing, The Life of Sterling, Uncategorized | Tags: addict, addictions, alone, art, auracature, bayside, condolences, daughter, death, deceit, Die, Drugs, dying, family, firearm, Frankford, friend, grief, gun, health, heaven, Hope, ill, illness, lie, Lies, loss, love, loved one, medium, Memory, Mental Health, Mental Illness, message, mushrooms, not alone, obituary, October, Ontario, Pain, Psychic, Reading, shotgun, Son, stay alive, Sterling, Sterling Sinclair, Stirling, suicide, survival, survivor, Trenton, wellness | 1 Comment